Top 5 Comedywire Jokes of the Day: McDonalds, Rockets, and Wine

 "Trump responds by saying they have gone from 9's to 5's. Sad!"-Robb

"Also, depending on the type of malfunction it can get you to Heaven in seconds."-Sam Gregory

2. Five glasses of red wine a month could HELP you get pregnant

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"That’s one way to get me to stop drinking."-Nick Staron

3. McDonald's will shift to more humane chicken slaughter policy

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"The real story is that McDonald's is now using real chicken."-Matt Sohl

4. Study finds 500% rise in weedkiller in human urine

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"Farmers found writing their names in the grass."-Michelle Nussey

5. Russia Ready To Test Missile That Has Power To Wipe Out Texas

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"When can we get started?"-Chris Staron