1. Hillary Clinton in talks with Columbia to take on professor role

"How to get away with murder 101"-Eric Neil Horn

2. Milking venomous snails could help scientists treat cancer and tuberculosis

"By the time you get the milking machine hooked up, you might as well have done it by hand."-Charlie Currie

3. Microsoft Is Building Treehouses Meeting Rooms For Its Employees

"Sadly, the windows are non-functioning."-Larry Ryals

4. Melissa Etheridge and Todd Rundgren Arrested on Drug Charges

"Todd calls the bail bondsman and says "Hello, it's me."-John Morgo

5. Guy Fieri Brings Barbecue Smoker to Santa Rosa Fire Evacuation Center

"What an ash."-Andrew Fruchtman