1. Democrats look to distance themselves from Weinstein

"Please stand at least 6 inches away."-Andrew Fruchtman

2. How Smartphones Hijack Our Minds

"Siri, please summarize this long article for me and explain what all these big words mean."-Joseph Paul

3. Today Is John Lennon's Birthday. He Would Have Been 77.

"Celebrate by continuing to forget that Ringo is still alive."-Nick Jack Pappas

4. Sesame Street launches Muppet program to help kids cope with trauma

"Nothing calms a distressed child more than learning that any public trash can may contain an angry green monster."-Joe Kalb

5. Room Full Of Men Decides Fate Of Women's Health Care

"In related news, a group of squirrels met to decide the fate of human cancer research."-Joseph Paul