1. 8-year-old Football Players Kneel In Protest During National Anthem

Fox news: "Thugs dressed as kids take over football field"-Noway Jose

2. Chronicle survey finds sharp lifestyle differences between low-income students and wealthy students

Mainly in how they utilize bath salts.-T Paradocsfickle

3. Religious children are not as nice as secular counterparts, study finds

Luckily, secular children won't dirty up heaven with their unconditional kindness.-Aryn Corley

4. At The U.N., Netanyahu Emerges As Trump’s Biggest Fan

They're a lot alike except that Netanyahu speaks English better.-Emily Rosenberg

5. World's Richest Woman Has Died

I'm not sure how yet, but we're related.-Craig Salters