1. People with short and wide faces have the highest libidos

Thus answering the eternal question: "Why the long face?"-Emily Rosenberg

2. Hurricane Maria makes landfall in Puerto Rico with 155-mph winds

It's the most dangerous hurricane of the last few hours.-Nick Jack Pappas

3. The Dadbag Is A Fanny Pack Made To Look Like A "Flabby Dad Gut"

For when you absolutely must get those swarms off women off of you.-Jen Lap

4. Trump orders US military to build giant wall in Afghanistan to keep terrorists out

Good thing terrorists can't fly planes.-Erik Thornquist

5. Mum makes drastic change to be mortgage free by 30 - and it works

All she had to do was stop enjoying life-Christopher Schmidt