1. Dolly Parton, Jane Fonda, and Lily Tomlin Take a Shot at Trump at the Emmys

"Trump responds by saying they have gone from 9's to 5's. Sad!"-Robb

2. "Tinda Finge" Device Lets Users Automatically Swipe Right Up To 6,000 Times A Minute

"A finger that swipes up to 6,000 times a minute. Sorry, guys, I think women just found their Tinder match."-Louis Ferrante

3. Bill Gates thinks an infectious disease could kill 30 million people in the next decade

"He believes the only cure is to close your windows and open them again."-Nick Jack Pappas

4. Gym Bro Gets Penis Stuck In Weight Plate. Has To Be Cut Free By Firefighters

"It was a 5lb weight although the guy claims it was a 25lb weight."-Bret Sohl

5. Woman Says Her Indescribable Pain Was Caused by Twin She Ate in Womb

"That's sibling rivalry taken up a notch"-Amy Barnes