Top 5 Comedywire Jokes of the Day: Snake Bites, Ivanka Trump, and the Virgin Islands

"Trump responds by saying they have gone from 9's to 5's. Sad!"-Robb

"That's why the islands are still virgins."-Marcus Blank

2. Today Is Tiffany Trump's Birthday. She's 24.


"Or as Donald Trump calls it, "17 days until Ivanka's birthday."-Nick Jack Pappas

3. Oscars academy to hold emergency talks on Weinstein


"He's fine around Oscar, but they really need to keep him away from Emmy."-Nick Jack Pappas

4. Photographer Survives Deadly Snake Bite While Taking Colorful Serpent Portraits


"This is why you see so few portraits of Madonna."-Chip Fenwick

5. Humanoid robot 'Sophia' makes surprise appearance at United Nations


"Ah, that's old news. Hilary spoke at the UN ages before this."-Margaret Hennebach