Top 5 Comedywire Jokes of the Day: Captain Crunch, Attractive Men, and Injured Pedestrians

1. DMX gained 40 pounds from eating Captain Crunch

"Now goes by the name DMXXL."-Eric Neil Horn

2. Martha Stewart Opens Up About Her "Horrifying" Prison Experience

"The finger sandwiches had crusts."-Robb

3. Science Has Chosen the Most Attractive Man on Earth

"And let me be the first to congratulate Gilbert Gottfried."-Chip Fenwick

4. Only 24% of Americans think their country is heading in the right direction

"The other 76% think it's going in the alt-right direction."-Andrew Fruchtman

5. The number of pedestrians fatally or seriously injured by cyclists has doubled since 2006

"At this rate, we should have them all by 2028."-Daniel Bradley