Top 5 Comedywire Jokes of the Day: Thong Jeans, Female Flights, and Nancy Drew

 "Trump responds by saying they have gone from 9's to 5's. Sad!"-Robb

"Plane made three unscheduled stops to use the 'nice bathrooms' at Starbucks"-Annie Hill

2. Thong jeans cut out everything but the seams

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"And they’re perfect for the woman with everything but a brain."-Danny Neary

3. Bill Gates Is Investing More than a Billion Dollars in Public Schools

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"Public school students respond, "If he really cared, he'd invest a million"-Jon August

4. The mind still works after you're dead, say scientists

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"And then you become Regional Manager"-Jake Jacobson

5. NBC to Redevelop ‘Nancy Drew’ Reboot Series

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"In "The Case of the Millennial Curse," Nancy is diagnosed with non-Celiac gluten sensitivity, George joins the Antifa, and Bess is sexually harassed by her boss."-Emily Rosenberg