Top 5 Comedywire Jokes of the Day: Satanists, Drugs, and Lung Disease

 "Trump responds by saying they have gone from 9's to 5's. Sad!"-Robb

"And vegans who think they're too good for children's blood"-Christopher Schmidt

2. San Diego Mother Arrested After Allegedly Selling Drugs to Students at Daughter's High School


"A California mother of two was arrested for allegedly selling drugs to teenagers. Police called her a MILF: A Mom I’d Like to Fingerprint."-Joe Toplyn Pro

3. Rate of people without health insurance rises for first time since 2014


"Fortunately the number of people who want to die has also risen"-Christopher Schmidt

4. Paula Deen Never Travels Without This Surprising Item


"On the bright side, they're only killing douchebags."-Nick Jack Pappas